From depression step by step to joy and hope

Jaroslav’s Story

Everyone was easily my friend and I also forgave very easily. People were using it and it disappointed me. I also experienced racism at school. And it led to the point where I avoided people even at school. I was at my first high school where I asked myself questions like “Why should I even try? What is there to live for?” But I didn’t have any answers.

I left school and isolated myself at home for two years. But after these two years the loneliness was destroying me, and I decided to return to school. I studied to become a pastry-chef, but after two years in isolation I had social phobia and it was very difficult for me to talk to other people and to go to school. I finished this school with some troubles.

I started my follow-up studies and I met my best friend there and he was like my own brother. After some time, he committed suicide.

 It threw me into a very deep depression. I started to isolate myself again and I left university.

At that time my sister came back home and she was already Christian. She told us about an outdoor sermon. And there was a desire in me to go there, I couldn’t explain why. When the right time came, I went to this outdoor sermon. The preacher talked about hope. It really touched me. Mainly because of my best friend but also because of me. The worship touched me the most. It almost led me into tears, but I held them in. I experienced there as if something came down from heaven and hugged me. Since then I haven’t felt empty. When I came home, I tried to talk myself out of it. I couldn’t explain it. But it was there, it really happened. I started going to church regularly. Once there was a call to come forward, as there was every Sunday, but I never had the courage to do it. There were thoughts in my mind like: “You don’t belong there. You are only trash.” In one moment, these thoughts quietened down and I was in peace. Some force pushed me forward. I came forward totally automatically, I didn’t even realize it. In that moment I had absolute peace, I didn’t feel anxious because of the people around, I was truly free. There was the pastor, some guys and me. And since that time, my life has changed.

I’ve gained friends, at church and also outside the church. My anxiety and depression are almost gone, my thoughts about committing suicide are entirely gone.

It is not always paradise, I still sometimes do have anxiety and depression, but I can manage it with God.