Tormented by her lost identity, she found her value

Kristina’s Story

My story started in 1986 when two young people got married. These people believed in God and were Christians. They decided to serve Him, but they couldn’t have their own children. And so, after exactly seven years after their marriage, they adopted me and my sister. So, I grew up in a Christian home. My dad is a pastor and my mum worked for a long time in a Children Ministry leadership. I knew all the stories from the Bible, I attended Sunday School programs and I could talk about a lot of things in the Bible.

When I was older, something broke within me and I started to suffer from anorexia. 

Anorexia has been with me for a very long time and when I was finishing high school, I stopped eating completely because of it.

I flew to the United States after my high school graduation. I wanted to find a good church there which is strange because I didn’t go to church because of God but because of people. But still I wanted to be in a church as a sort of certainty, home in a place which I didn’t know. I lived a normal life in the USA, it wasn’t bad or so, but I didn’t feel complete. Even though I found a lot of friends, I was still missing something. When I look back at it, I see that anorexia and all other things were because of my feeling of rejection. I told myself that when my own mother didn’t want me, who would? I started to think about these things in the US and also after my return to the Czech Republic.

I was reading my Bible and God was touching me a lot when I was reading Psalms and Proverbs. I was touched by the passage where I read to guard my heart because life comes from it. 

 I was also influenced by the verses about beauty which fades away but the woman who fears the Lord will endure everything.

This is something which really touched me, and I said to myself that I wanted to be such a woman who fears the Lord. I started to search for the Lord, He was talking to me and I could build my relationship with Him. However, I know that not all my days are only amazing and the sun is only shining. Some days are good, and some are bad. Anorexia hasn’t left me completely, but I must learn to look at me in a way God sees me and I keep learning that.

I don’t say it’s easy, but I believe it’ll be absolutely alright one day. My hope is that Jesus didn’t come on Earth for perfect, healthy and ideal people but He came here for broken, ill people who are searching Him or who are even completely lost.