He didn’t know where to go, but then he chose real life
I tasted alcohol for the first time when I was 19 years old. I liked being with my friends, I liked our group, and I liked when we were searching for events. At that time, I yearned for the Bohemian life. But at home, it was different. I felt unimportant there. And there was a desire growing in me to drink more and more.
I didn’t want to be with him when he was drunk. Actually, I was happier when he was gone. It wasn’t anything rare, but the more often my dad drank, the more it hurt my mum.
The worst was when Dad was in the pub and I had to go there and beg him to go home and he didn’t want to and I felt terrible. Everyone was laughing there, his friends who were sitting with him. I was about 8 or 9 year old.
My drinking escalated during that time. I didn’t have solid ground under my feet and there was an emptiness in me.
I couldn’t manage it. I couldn’t deal with it, and I wanted to end my life. I took a rope and drove my bike to the forest. I made a bow, climbed a tree and jumped. But for reasons I couldn’t explain, it didn’t work. I asked myself at that moment, “I don’t understand why can’t I even kill myself?”
I was offended because I saw that people closest to me became my enemies or rivals nd I wasn’t able to work through that. I really didn’t know which way to go. I thought there wasn’t a reason for me to be there, that no one understands me, no one loves me, and that was the trap that I was caught in.
The hope came when my wife, who was in the Catholic church, met a Christian woman who told her about Jesus Christ and she made a step of salvation when she told Jesus, “Change my life.” Jesus had started to change her life, and I could see that she was behaving differently to me and to my kids, and she started to pray for me.
So I asked that woman, “What should I do?” “Should I go to the alcohol sanitarium?” She answered, “You don’t have to go to the sanitarium, just accept Jesus into your heart and he will change your life.” That was something odd, something new, and I said, “Yes, I want to do that.” “I want Jesus to change my life.” I still didn’t know how to do it, so I repeated a simple prayer after her. “Lord Jesus, I don’t know if you exist, but I invite you into my life.” “Change my life. Change my heart.” “Forgive me.”
And when I was confessing that, I experienced a thing that I had never experienced before, Jesus came to me, put His hands in my shoulders, and I was drowning in God’s love. Suddenly, I realised why God sent this Son, Jesus Christ. So that we don’t perish but have eternal life.
But it didn’t solve my problems with alcohol. I drank so much that the next day, I had a bad conscience. And I told her myself, “This is meaningless.” “Jesus, I thought you were going to solve this!” And at the moment, I realized that I couldn’t do it. “Jesus, where are you? Help me!” He responded with a voice I heard that resonated in me. Jesus told me, “Choose finally. What do you want in your life?” “What and whom do you want to serve?”
And I made a decision there and said, “Jesus. I want to serve you, but please take away my taste for alcohol!” “Take away my taste for alcohol, and get rid of my friends.” I don’t know how He did it… but He did it!
I noticed that my dad stopped going to the pubs to be with his friends, and he started spending time with his family in the way that he started bringing flowers to my mum, and he wrote poems for her, like a teenager in love. And he was taking us girls for trips, he was reading books with us, asking us how we were doing.
My dad’s change has impacted me dramatically because when I had seen his life, I realised that he had something that I didn’t, that he had happiness, peace and the meaning which I was missing.
So one day I went into my room and started praying. I didn’t know how exactly, but I told Jesus, “If you exist if you really exist, come into my life and change me and fill the empty place which is inside me. Be my God. The same way you are my dad’s God, be my God.”
And He did it. And He did much more than I was praying for. He filled that empty place. He gave me happiness and love, and a great husband, and after a couple of years, He gave me beautiful children, two. He gave me hope, hope for the future.
Jesus is first my Savior. Also, Father, also, a friend who has accepted me and loves me. The love He has given me can’t be given by any person. For that I am thankful to Him. For what He is giving me, for what He has offered me, eternal life and forgiveness, He offers that to everyone.
Whatever I do, I know that I am not alone in it. In good or bad, I know that I can count on Him. I know He is by my side. I know He is the source of my happiness and peace.