She wanted to disappear forever, but she found joy, meaning, and a desire to live

She wanted to disappear forever, but she found joy, meaning, and a desire to live

Zuzka’s Story

My name is Zuzka and I became Christian when I was 20 years old. I grew up in a non-Christian family where I was led away from Christianity than towards it. I despised Christians quite a lot.

When I was 17, I went on an English Camp which was really interesting for me and where people talked about God, too. I was, however, ready to ignore it and to simply learn English. At the end of the camp, however, I was confronted with three things: Christians can be totally normal and they don’t force me to believe; they don’t care if I’m Christian or not to be friends with me; that they had a relationship with God, which was strange for me. So, I spent the rest of the summer and of that year by getting to know these people. 

I never felt comfortable among other people, I missed deep relationships and I was bullied at school. As I kept struggling with the feeling of rejection, I started to think about death and suicide when I was 13.

I questioned the meaning of my life and the purpose of it. The feeling followed me for the next 7 years. I was living with the idea that I would make everyone happy, especially my family, if I simply leave this world.

 And when I met these Christians who accepted me and wanted to be friends with me, these suicidal ideas started to crumble. I was fascinated by the idea that there was someone who actually wanted this deep friendship with me and who created me with a purpose.

 I resisted to accept God even during my 3rd camp, I also left my hometown to study at a university in Brno. I was still in the darkness and I couldn’t see light. Before I left for Brno, I told God: “Okay, God, if you really exist, show me yourself.” And God showed himself. It wasn’t lightning from the sky, but rather a chain of suspicious coincidences. All this made me think during my 4th English Camp: okay, I believe! 

I thank God for loving me even though I was ignoring Him for years. I thank Him that my dark thoughts have left completely.

He showed me that I had a purpose here, to be with other people and that it’s a pleasure to live my life. 

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