She realized that he really existed and that he loved her
I remember my mum a lot from when I was a child. She always wanted everyone to feel good, to feel safe. She always wanted people around her to have a better time than she was having. I remember how we would go for walks in the park with our dog on summer holidays. And… it was, it was great. We were always chatting while walking in the forest. She liked forests. Maybe that’s why I like them too. I know that she was ill most of her life.
She was always struggling with something, but there was a certain point when it started worsening. So this… this was kind of hard. From time to time, I just stopped and said, “God, help her. If you are here, just do something.” “Do a miracle.” And I guess a lot of people do this when they are in a dire state, and they say, ”God, if you’re there, just help me.” So I did something similar.
I was home alone when I found out that my mum passed away. I had a feeling that all of this was unfair. Why do bad things happen in the world? After all, she was a good person. She did nothing bad, So why should something like this happen to her?
And at the same time, I was thinking, “Why should something like this happen to me?” “Why, as a teenager, should I lose my mum when everybody else has their mom most of their life?” After, I prayed to God to help my mum, to save her, But I didn’t take him into consideration because he disappointed me. Actually, nothing happened, and so I didn’t think about him anymore.
But some time later, my friends invited me to a camp to experience a week of fun in the summer. So I was like, ”Why not?” I wasn’t thinking about what would be happening there, and when I got there I found out that the people who organize the camp are Christians… and that they believe in God, so it must mean something for them… because they live everyday life with Him.
And I quite liked them because they treated all of us differently, a bit different than I was used to. They were just really kind. So, I stayed in touch with them, and I kept hanging out with them, and I was thinking, “What’s so special about those people?” “And where is it coming from, the concern and honest love for other people?”
I was wondering where it was coming from. And the more I spent time with them, The more I found out that it’s not just that they are nice or that we do interesting things, but I found out that it’s really God.
He is what makes them that special, that unique. But I was thinking, “What they are experiencing, is it really like that?” “Can it work for me as well?” During one autumn weekend, I attended an event with my friends where some guy was talking about God. But as he spoke, I looked out the window and I saw wind playing with leaves on the trees. And at that moment, somehow suddenly everything made sense to me. All the pieces came together, and I realised that God really exist and that he loves me.
When thinking about what this can really mean for me, that God is love, it sounds kind of abstract, but actually, Jesus was and is a real person. He is a real person for me right now. And what he did… He died for me and for my sins on the cross. That’s a big thing, but he didn’t do it just for nothing but because he wanted to have a relationship with me and with all people. He is the one who knows us entirely because he made us, and he doesn’t want to be far away from us.
He wants to be with us, He wants to be with me…and even though before I was praying to some abstract God who I didn’t know, I began to understand a totally new concept.
It began to dovetail, and I began to realise that God is not bad, that what happened to my mum isn’t connected with his love for me.
I don’t want to say that it was easy. For sure it wasn’t easy, and it was a hard period of my life, and I would give anything to be able to talk with my mum, to be able to, now at an older age, find out what her point of view is on different things…
What she thinks about where I’m going, the type of person I have become, for sure I would wish for all of that, but in comparison to what my life brought, when I found Jesus, it’s incomparable. And nothing else in the world can give it to you. No other relationship here in the world. No other pleasure can give it to you. No money, nothing you get from what you’re doing, nor how successful you are, nothing else can give you what God gives you.